Thursday, October 8, 2015

Half-Assed Horror Reviews (Chapter 1)

   Every year around this time there are numerous requests from people all around asking "What horror movies should I watch?". I am one of those people that like to fill my entertainment with tales of terror, and things that make me hate having to get up to piss in the middle of the night. So instead of being one of those people asking what to watch, this year I'm going to try and be the middle man. Whether it's Vampires, Zombies, Ghosts, or old ladies, I have tasked myself with informing the ones who seek, on their path of horror goodness. completely spoiler free (hopefully).

 The following are in no particular order, but are well worth a watch.



  • The Taking of Deborah Logan: This movie was a wonderful treat, having not heard much about it before taking the plunge. I suggest staying away from trailers before you watch. The movie takes you into the world of an Alzheimer patient that may have something a little more sinister going on and they nailed the delivery on the head. Lately it seems that most movies I've watched in the horror genre are "found footage" type movies and this happens to be one of them. I didn't know this going in, but I also don't have a problem with it. The atmosphere of the movie is quite believable as it plays off struggles of Alzheimer's and the paranomal leaving you on the edge of your seat and possibly scaring your socks off a few times. Netflix has it at a 4 out of 5 star rating and I can't agree more.

          This movie can be found streaming on Netflix. Also available for Rent or own on other media.
  • The Houses October Built: Another movie that happens to be found footage and is played off as "real events", but instead of playing off the fears of the supernatural and paranormal, this movie looks at a fear that is real, other humans. If you like to partake in the annual haunted houses and other like events this one will really help add a fear factor the next time you visit a haunt. I also had little to no knowledge of the film before my initial watch through. Although it only has a little over 2 stars out of 5 on netflix and 3 out of 5 stars on Amazon, I'd like to say it deserves a little more on the Netflix side of things. It's not the greatest of all time, and i've seen a ton worse, but it's worth a watch this time of the year especially before heading out to your next haunted attraction.
         This movie can be found streaming on Netflix. Also available for Rent or own on other media.
  • Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil: If you haven't seen this movie by now then you should stop reading this and come back after you have finished the movie. I'm not going to spoil anything, I just find this movie to be one of the best Horror Comedies to hit the shelves in a very long time. Don't watch any trailers or find clips before watching as it could likely ruin the movie. It is the highest rated horror currently on Netflix with, just about, 5 stars out of 5, and has 4 and a half out of 5 stars on Amazon.
         This movie can be found streaming on Netflix and Amazon Instant Watch with Prime.
  • Zombeavers: Let's add another Horror Comedy to the list while we are at it. Zombeavers is exactly what you'd probably expect from the title of the movie. Zombie Beavers. It's campy, it's and B class horror that any horror fan would love. The use of practical effects really adds to the enjoyment with very little shitty CG. It's hilarious, has boobs, blood, and as man beaver related innuendos you can think of. At least watch it once if you're a fan of horror you'll probably be a fan of this.
         This movie can be found streaming on Netflix. Also available for Rent or own on other media.
  • Bloodsucking Bastards: Keeping on with the current trend I have going, this Horror Comedy revolves around working in an office that happens to also have Vampires. The movie is loads of fun, although it starts off semi slow, by the end of the movie you'll be laughing and loving the buckets of blood leaving you saying "Bam, Snap!". 
         This movie can be rented via Amazon Video, Microsoft, Google Play, and Itunes
  • The Babadook: Children's stories can often be pretty creepy, but the story of The Babadook is a bit more scary. I saw a trailer for this one and instantly placed it on my watch list. It is thrilling, scary, and a very all around good horror movie. With a little over 4 stars on Netflix you can tell many others thought so as well. 
         This movie can be found streaming on Netflix. Also available for Rent or own on other media.
  • Insidious (Chapters 1 and 2): I am only including the first 2 of the Insidious movies because I can. The first two chapters really stick out and are really well done, but the 3rd is sort of a disappointment. The first and second are in order of how you'd expect with the third taking place shortly before the first. A lot of people may think I'm a little crazy but the second movie, for me, was the best of the 3, but wouldn't make as much sense without watching the first. These movies are definitely worth watching and will leave you scared to be alone in the dark. Be prepared for numerous jump scares with these. Sadly only Chapter 2 seems to be streaming on Netflix and none of them are streaming with an Amazon Prime account. 
         Insidious Chapter 2 can be found streaming on Netflix. The other will need to be rented or                  purhcased. 
  • Grave Encounters: This one was definitely a hidden gem and I would have usually passed over such a movie if I hadn't been curious enough to look at reviews. Grave Encounters brings you into the world of a reality tv "ghost hunting" type show where usually nothing of interest happens. It really makes me think of the show Ghost Adventures, but a lot more interesting. It's filmed in the style that these tv shows would be filmed so mostly handheld cams "found footage" style (again). It's not as well known and easily can be passed over if judging by the cover, but I always bring it up when someone asks about a hidden horror online. There is a follow up sequel available on netflix as well. It's not as good, but still a fun watch.
          This movie can be found streaming on Amazon Instant Watch with Prime. The sequel is also               on Amazon and streaming on Netflix
  • V/H/S (1 &2): These movies are unique and full of 4 to 5 short horror films by different directors in a found footage style (once again). Each story is found on a VHS tape (hint: thats where the name comes from), and portrayed as stuff that really happened. These are full of jump scares, blood and guts, anything someone would really like in horror. Some may say it's going for the shock factor a little too much, but hey, there are worse (Human Centipede 2). I'd say each both of these movies are really well done and there are a couple shorts within each they could have done without, but there are also a couple in each that stand out as high end and for that reason is why I would recommend these movies. They made a 3rd movie V/H/S: Viral, but it didn't feel the same and the shorts didn't really hold up to the first two movies'. 
         These movies can be found streaming on Netflix and the first V/H/S can be found on Amazon            Instant Watch for Prime members.
  • Tusk: Not to be confused with a movie about elephants, this movie is about turning a man into a walrus. That's right, a fucking walrus. If you want to watch something that makes you literally say "What the fuck am I watching right now", this is your go to movie. Made by Kevin Smith and Starring Justin Long you can already tell this movie is going to have a comedic undertone that the mind of Smith brings. Do not look up any information of this movie before watching as it does have some surprises. Highly recommended to watch this movie with a group of people that have yet to see it. 
         This movie can be found streaming on Amazon Instant Watch with Prime Membership.

   So there you have it, the first chapter of horror (or horror comedy) movies you can look into to fill your Halloween season needs. There are plenty of horror movies on both Netflix and Amazon that I can't name all the ones I've seen over the years, but these ones definitely stood out in recent memory. 

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